Pass the Behaviour Interview or How to Stop Being A Hater
5 red flags you may need to work on. I’ve stopped interviews for the 10th minute because of #4.
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Greetings, curious reader,
As a head of data engineering, I’ve performed hundreds of interviews with software, data and analytics engineers.
Surprisingly, most candidates don’t fail the technical part. I reject them because of their soft skills.
When there’s a big gap in the experience, you can provide clear feedback. But when the person you have interviewed is a conflicting asshole, you can’t tell them.
Today, I will share with you the top 5 behavioural reasons I reject candidates.
🫵 Reason #1: Playing the Blame Game
Everybody fails. If somebody says they have never failed, they are lying to you.
Often, when I ask candidates about their failures, I get one of these excuses:
👎 The stakeholder didn’t know what they wanted.
👎 The tool is rubbish. It doesn’t do what the marketing site says.
👎 We had other priorities. The management never let us to work on this.
Whenever I hear something like this, I know: This person lacks accountability and ownership. They believe they are always right. Never learn from mistakes.
But you should not be ashamed of failure. Failure is a unique opportunity to learn and be better.
Blaming tools, team or circumstances is not making you any favours.
When talking about mistakes, talk about your mistakes. Focus on the lessons you learned. Talk about how you’d handle this next time.
Here’s a real-world example:
I was working on a strategic company-wide project and needed to pull data from a niche source. I needed to pull data from a niche service quickly to unblock everybody else.
Stakeholders had no idea if I needed a day or two weeks. They assumed delays were my fault—not because I caused them, but because I was silent.
Then my manager Tom asked me to share info more often. I started posting updates twice a day, even when there was nothing new.
This changed everything. Stakeholders’ confidence increased, and everybody was able to make proper planning. Their trust in my work skyrocketed.
I started the week as the scapegoat and ended as a key strategic partner. Since then, I’ve never kept my stakeholders in the dark.
🧐 Reason #2: Lack of Curiosity
Nobody knows everything. In fact, one of the best parts of data engineering is about how much you can learn.
So, a huge red flag for me is when the person I interview is a regular user. They never go beyond surface-level knowledge. Never think about what happens under the hood.
That’s why I always ask:
❓ What’s your favourite tool, and how do you learn it?
❓ What features do you use?
❓ How does this tool achieve X?
❓ Why this tool and not an alternative?
Here are some poor answers I receive:
🚩 I only use 1 feature of this tool. I never look for what else it can do.
🚩 I don’t know what happens. It just does the job.
🚩 This works for me. I’ve never researched alternatives.
I have a firm opinion about this one:
Mediocre data engineers never go beyond basic user. Great data engineers learn processes behind the scenes. They use tools to their full potential. These are the people who can build efficient data platforms.
I’ve hired curious people even when they were way below the level I was looking for.
My strong advice here is to pick one or two technologies. Spend 2 days on each and learn as much as possible about how they work.
Don’t be like the guy from this interview a while ago:
- Do you use Git?
- Yes. I’ve used it for 10 years. I work very well with Git.
- Tell me about merging and rebasing. What’s the difference and how they work?
- I don’t know. I just use the green button on GitHub.
Instead, be like this one:
- Have you used PostgreSQL?
- Yes, I’ve used it in the last 2 years.
- Do you know what data structures it uses for the indexes?
- No, but I’d love to learn from you.
See the difference?
💬 Reason #3: Poor Communication
Clear, concise communication is critical when your job is to bridge the gap between tech and business.
It’s even more important when you work in a remote environment like me.
Sometimes, when I ask a question, candidates ramble without answering the questions. It feels like they are buying time to think.
I get it—interviewing is stressful. But you can’t afford to allow stress top take over you.
Nobody expects you to talk all the time.
Instead of trying to answer immediately, take a breath. Think for a moment. Then deliver your response in clear and concise way.
🔹 You don’t know the answer? Say “I don’t know.”
🔹 Need more clarification? Say “I don’t understand that question.”
🔹 Need more time to think? Say “Give me a second to think.”
Interviewers will admire your honesty. They will try to help you.
😤 Reason #4: Non-stop Trash Talk
This is the most significant red flag of all. I’ve stopped interviews within 10th minutes because of excessive trash talk.
I’m all for constructive discussions. My team and peers can confirm we have these all the time. But excessive negativity without constructive feedback is counterproductive.
Negativity spreads like plague within the team.
I’ve seen how talented teams collapse after a toxic person joins. If someone is not willing to help us fix the situation, I fire them fast. I don’t want to work with haters.
Same applies to interviews.
I understand—you’re not job hunting because you’re thrilled with your current role. But trashing your employer in to a stranger you meet for the first time isn’t a good look.
That said, I’m all for honesty. You should not lie, moreover when you have a serious reason to leave. But usually, it’s all about how you frame your explanation.
Here are some examples:
❌ Hater voice: Everybody has poor skill and writes stupid code.
✅ Positive voice: I’m looking for a place where I can learn more and grow.
❌ Hater voice: I have awful stakeholders who never use my data.
✅ Positive voice: I believe I can make more impact here with my skills.
❌ Hater voice: I hate the company and the processes. Nothing makes sense.
✅ Positive voice: I need a company with a mission I am more passionate about.
Interviewing is like dating. Show yourself in a positive light. Don’t get obsessed about your ex.
Enjoyed this newsletter? You will love these posts on LinkedIn and Threads, too.
🤖 Reason #5: All Sales, No Personality
I’ve had interviews that felt like a long sales pitch. The person in front of me would have memorised their entire script and recite it.
It all sounds robotic with no personality. And do you know what the worst part is? These candidates are too focused on what they want to say. They don’t really listen to you.
The end result is that they interrupt me, the interviewer, the whole time, and I don’t get the chance to really learn who they are. It’s a very poor interview experience.
To avoid this, don’t memorise what you want to say. Don’t even memorise specific answers. Listen to what the other side is saying and then talk.
Ask questions and have fun.
Nothing sales better than a friendly chat.
If the company doesn’t like who you are, then this is not the right company for you.
💭 Final Thoughts
Are you reading this text and thinking “So I need to fake it in interviews?” No! That’s not the point.
If you get hired because of somebody you are pretending to be, you will be miserable at your job. Ultimately, your journey with the company won’t last long and won’t end on a high note.
Instead, try to change the way you react at the situations around you. Be more positive and use each opportunity to learn.
That said, burying your head like an ostrich is not the answer either. Find a sustainable balance.
In the era of AI, real people matter more than ever. Be a person first, a data engineer second.
Until next time,
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Very apt points